Posts tagged stand up

I have a lot of favorite comics. In a world saturated with stand-up, some stand out more than others. I have two comics that are at the top of my list, in a sort of 1A, 1B situation. Those comics are Louis CK and Christopher Titus. Both have qualities about them that differentiate the two, yet both share one quality: they’re totally and utterly honest on stage. Titus is more so out of the two, because he shares some SERIOUSLY crazy stories; the kinds of stories that might keep a person from winning a public office or having a park named after them.

It is through the magic of Twitter (follow me there; www.twitter.com/ar_dizzle) that I was able to contact Titus and ask him if he would sit down with me for an interview for this very blog. EXCITING, I know. I may see if he’s okay with doing a little more (podcast anyone?), but I don’t want to push my luck.

It is with that, Tumblrlers (?), that I ask you: what questions should I ask the fantastically hilarious Mr. Titus? Send me your funny and creative questions. Here is an example of a question that I’m going to ask:

“I listen to a few podcasts, but my top three are yours, Marc Maron’s, and Bill Burr’s. Out of the three of you, who do you think would win in a fight?”

That is an acceptable, funny, creative, not boring question. Questions like these will totally be asked. Below, I give you a bad example:

“How big is Stacy Keach’s dick?”

See? Not cool. Submit your questions to me by Sunday, March 23rd, and I may just ask Big T (I call him that; it’s gonna stick).

-Andrew

Hello Tumblr, you porn infested, meme hoarding, comatose inducing blogosphere! It’s been some time, hasn’t it? I apologize for my leave of absence. I took a job on a sail barge prawn fishing off the coast of New Zealand. In our second week, we hit some terrible storms and our ship was hit by an 80 foot wave, tossing me from the ship like a rag doll into the abyss known only as “the drink”. I was out in the ocean for three days, only to be rescued by a party yacht filled with absinthe and hookers. I met George Clooney, Pitbull, and Diamond Dallas Page (a weird trio to be hanging out together, I know). We sailed back to Denver (?) and here I am.

I’ll be here a lot, too. I have some sweet things coming up in the future, so expect more posts. I thought it best to start here…

I’ve been mad a lot lately, and since I don’t own a punching bag or a wife that condones domestic violence, I’ll take to Tumblr and express my anger in a segment I like to call…

“Expressing My Anger with Andrew Raschke”.

Why is it that in the year 2013 a restaurant can’t have both Coke and Pepsi products? Is it that big of a deal? Because honestly, I’m tired of having this conversation:

Hi sir, can I get you a drink?
I’ll have a Mountain Dew.
Is Mello Yello alright?
No. If I wanted Mello Yello, I’d drink my kids’ bath water after they “accidentally” pissed in it.

I also really hate reality television. Do we really need a Kardashian spin off show starring the same fucking Kardashians? More importantly, do we need Kardashian shows period? Granted, I understand that Kim’s ass is so big, it could use two shows. “Last week, on ‘Kim’s Back Door’, Kim’s asshole spews just as much shit as her mouth hole, and Kanye probably had his dick in both.” And is this REALLY what constitutes a celebrity these days? Because if banging black guys makes you famous, I have a gay uncle that deserves a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

I also hate seeing old women trying to dress like their in their twenties. Hey Old Mother Hubbard, what made you think the sweatpants with the word ‘juicy’ across the ass was a good purchase? That thing hasn’t been juicy in 25 years! Try ‘lumpy’. Or ‘saggy’. Or ‘celulite’. ‘Cottage Cheese’ maybe? How does that shot with you?

And have you ever noticed the women who buy those stickers for their cars that say things like “sexy” or “goddess” are usually the furtherest thing from it? Look Bertha, just because they sell the sticker down at the Walmart doesn’t mean you should buy it. Guess what? They also sell Taebo DVD’s and low fat Choco Tacos, but I don’t see you buying that shit!

… and this concludes “Expressing My Anger with Andrew Raschke”.

-Andrew